A
transcript of President Obama’s speech in Jerusalem Thursday is
reprinted here.
Thank
you, please be seated. Hello, everyone. Or as they say here, shalom!
Let me first thank this wonderful university for letting me come here
today. This message is not only for you, but for all of Israel, with
whom the U.S. has a strong, unbreakable alliance, now and into the
future. I stand here today to announce that I, Barack Obama, 44th
President of the United States of America, am converting to Judaism.
Recently,
the bond between our two nations has been called into question. You
see, many Republican leaders in America, in Congress and on Fox News,
have doubted my words of support for this country are legitimate. All I've done is given you a friendly suggestion to stop building
settlements in Palestine if you want any hope of a lasting peace. You've heard me suggest putting yourself in their shoes so you can
see that all they want is their own land. Because a true friend doesn't tell you what you want to hear, but what you need to hear.
Yet
somehow, by actually giving you reasonable, practical suggestions, my
critics back home accuse me of renouncing our alliance. To be honest,
this baffles me. We've practically sold Israel its entire stock of
fighter jets for God sakes. Next time you fire a missile into Gaza,
do me a favor and check the sticker on the bottom. It probably says,
“Made in America”. Shouldn't a parent be allowed to tell his
spoiled child to shut up and follow simple directions once in awhile And yet I still do almost everything in my power as president
to back Israel.
That
is why I'm converting to Judaism. It’s the last thing I can
possibly think of to affirm this alliance. I've thought long and
hard about this, but I always reach that same conclusion. I mean
honestly, help me out here. What else can I do? I've risked my life
to come to this crazy place, knowing that nothing other than a
photo-op will get accomplished by my visit. And yet I still
hear complaints.
Yep,
this is the only option. I'm not talking Reformed, either. I’m
going all-in, full-fledged Orthodox Jewish. It'll be hard to
question my faith if I have a yarmulke on my head all the time. Also,
what better way to show that I stand with Israel than to celebrate
Hanukkah instead of Christmas and Passover instead of Easter.
Nothing’s wrong with showing too much support for the Jewish state.
Or, as I now call it, my homeland.
Well,
I better get going. I need to fly home before Shabbat; my new faith
prevents me from using electricity on Saturdays. As America’s first
Jewish president, I need to make sure I set a good example for
America by attending Rabbi Goldstein’s Passover Seder at The White
House. Shalom, my Jewish brothers.
-by Mike Vandenberg
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