WASHINGTON-
The Kittens Are Cute Act failed in the Senate yesterday with a vote
of 54-46, short of the needed 60 votes to overcome a Republican
filibuster.
The
shortest bill in Congressional history, it simply reads as follows,
“As one nation of animal lovers, America henceforth expands its
status of cute to kittens. Anyone who tries to put such status above
other animals will face a mandatory prison sentence.”
Sponsored
by Senators Joe Manchin, Democrat from West Virginia, and Pat Toomey,
Republican from Pennsylvania, the bill was formerly seen as a
compromise capable of passing.
Supported
by President Obama as a first step, it was the cornerstone of a
package to help kittens. Other measures in the president’s
proposal, such as capping the amount of kittens allowed in a litter
and banning large-breed cats like lions and tigers, were defeated
under larger margins.
While
the defeat of those measures was expected, few thought the Kittens
Are Cute Act would fail as well. In a recent poll, the statement was
found to be supported by 90% of Americans. An unusually high rating
was thought to guarantee the bill’s passage.
President
Obama was not short on words following the defeat, railing against
Republicans in the Senate for “not doing their jobs” and not
representing their constituents. In unusually direct terms, the
president singled-out NAKA (National Anti-Kitten Association) in
particular for “deliberately lying” to the American people,
calling their actions shameful. “NAKA said over and over again,
that this bill would be a slippery slope, leading to kittens being
called cuter than spiders and platypuses, even though the bill would
specifically outlaw such a practice.” Looking visibly frustrated,
Obama added, “I mean, it’s two sentences long. It’s a
no-brainer.”
First
Dog Bo Obama said, “Although I support the right of animals to keep
households for themselves, even I can admit that kittens are cute.
It’s common sense.”
-by Mike Vandenberg
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