Professor Astonishing Page 20

Dimensional Warriors Comic page 61

Facepalm? Seriously?

The following is a letter of resignation by Steve Mason, writer for the Oxford English Dictionary.

It is with a heavy heart but a relieved conscious that I announce my resignation from Oxford English Dictionary, effective immediately.

35 years ago, I was a young, bright mind. Fresh out of earning my English degree, I walked in those double doors with a wealth of optimism. I was ready to stop talking about the English language and start contributing to it. It was an exciting time to be a part of the dictionary process. When I got started, I was entering in new words like “socioeconomic” and “desegregation.” I felt proud to contribute to the art of language.

English used to be so eloquent, but I’m afraid that is no more. Yesterday, I had to enter the word “facepalm” into the dictionary. I got so frustrated that I literally facepalmed right after. How idiotic this publication has become. I’m sorry, but does a word like that need to be in the dictionary, the definitive guide to the English language? What is the point? It’s a passing, slang expression. Nobody’s going to look back on this period in history and say, “Wow, that Facebook comment writer was so eloquent, using words like ‘facepalm.’” Jesus Christ. “Tweetable”? “Friend Zone”? The English language is going down the drain, I’m afraid.

Ouch. See what I just did? I hit my face. With my hand. And now there’s a word for that in the Oxford English Dictionary. It’s appalling, to be totally frank.

                                                                                                                                 -By Mike Vandenberg

Weekly Report: 3/18-3/24

Dimensional Warriors
I have a bit more, changed a few things around. Moving things around, check it out. Should be pretty awesome by now.

Dimensional Warriors 11.062
Word (.doc)
Open Office (.odt)
Rich Text (.rtf)
Text (.txt)

Comics
Comics are back ahead of schedule now that certain technical difficulties have been solved.

Fan Fiction
Here today

Strangely I posted this late yesterday, but it didn't go up until late last night. So here it is this week.

10,000 Page Views!

Took a while, but we finally reached the 10,000 mark!

I wish I had something to celebrate the occasion with, but all I've got is my deepest gratitude for helping this site reach this landmark. Thank you!

Professor Astonishing Page 19

Javier Aladren: Footsteps (Live)

Dimensional Warriors Comic page 60

Weekly Report 3/11 - 3/17

Aside from a few background projects not much has been happening.

Dimensional Warriors
I did manage to get some work done, just not as much as I would have liked. So for your consideration here's what I got:

Dimensional Warriors v11.061
Word (.doc)
Open Office (.odt)
Rich Text (.rtf)
Text (.txt)

GCIB
Brian is still in moving hell, we'll hopefully get a chance to talk tonight... He may also be thinking about picking up an audio project the group has been bouncing around.

That is sadly it, so have an excellent week everyone!

Dimensional Warriors Fan Fiction: Training chapter 5

Here

I'm now permanently moving the Fan Fic to Sunday.

Upcoming this week:
Monday: Weekly Report
Tuesday: Mike's Politics
Wednesday: Dimensional Warriors Comic
Thursday: Javier's Music
Saturday: Professor Astonishing Comic
Sunday: Dimensional Warriors Fan Fiction

Professor Astonishing Comic Page 18

Dimensional Warriors Comic Page 59

Politicians Weigh-In on Garlic Bread and Ketchup Unions

WASHINGTON- A historic conference on the legalization of garlic bread/ketchup unions carried on yesterday with no consensus in sight among the nation’s top political as well as cultural leaders.

The week-long conference, being held in the East Room of the White House, was launched by President Obama as a platform for the nation to discuss this controversial issue. In attendance were Senator Rand Paul; Representatives John Boehner, Eric Cantor, and Nancy Pelosi; and Governor Chris Christie. Celebrities who have been vocal about the issue in the past, such as Lady Gaga and Ellen DeGeneres, were also present at the meeting.

Supporters of legalizing garlic bread/ketchup unions affirmed their belief that restaurants should be allowed to serve the delicious side with ketchup as a topping. Ellen DeGeneres, who has been eating the combo since 2008, declared to the others, “With-Ketchup Americans are not bad people. We will never tell you that you can’t eat your garlic bread the way you want to. All we are asking for is to be treated equally and enjoy the same feelings of deliciousness that With-Cheese Americans take for granted.” Lady Gaga added that although she personally liked cheese on her garlic bread, “My best friends in high school loved it with ketchup. It’s not fair that they can’t eat their bread with the topping they truly love.” Nancy Pelosi, Democratic Representative from San Francisco, agreed, “Nobody plans on forcing unwilling customers to add ketchup if they don’t want to.”

Opponents, however, said that such an item should not be permitted in restaurants, arguing that adding ketchup violates the traditional garlic bread and cheese combination. They expressed their belief that adding ketchup ruins the sanctity of garlic bread. “Our belief is that combinations of this type of food should only be between garlic bread and cheese,” said John Boehner, current Speaker of the House of Representatives. Majority Leader Eric Cantor added, “Allowing ketchup to be put on garlic bread, we believe, is a slippery slope that could lead to chocolate or worse: mustard.”

A third group, while being against putting garlic bread with ketchup on the menu, acknowledged that the item could still be delicious to some customers by offering “ketchup substitute” instead. Chris Christie, the main supporter of that option pointed out that while the substitute is not actually ketchup, it offers much of the same ingredients and a similar nutritional value. Still other leaders, such as Senator Paul, believed that it was an issue for individual restaurant chains to decide, not the federal government.

President Obama, who had patiently listened to all sides so far, finally weighed-in late yesterday. The president, who originally favored the “ketchup substitute,” revealed to those present that he had “evolved” on the issue. “I have a lot of friends, as well as people on my staff, who love their garlic bread with a little bit of ketchup. It would not be fair to look my daughters in the eye and tell them that my preference for eating garlic bread is perfectly fine, while their friends’ parents’ love of ketchup is not. That being said, I support the repeal of DOGBA [Defense of Garlic Bread Act], but still believe the ultimate decision on the menu item should be left to the restaurant chains.”

At the conclusion of the conference, all parties expressed their satisfaction with the debate, along with their sudden craving for some garlic bread.

                                                                                                                                -By Mike Vandenberg

Weekly Report 3/4-310

Not a lot of stuff this week, which explains why this is so late. Further down I'll even add some excuses to pad out the report.

Dimensional Warriors
I cleaned up what I had a bit, added a couple pages, but not a lot of distance and not a lot of change this week.

Word (.doc)
Open Office (.odt)
Rich Text (.rtf)
Text (.txt)

GCIB
There's a little more here than over in DW, got a good page or so from Brian, we'll be going over it tonight.

Comics
Probably the best progress here, and I don't have the comic pages for this upcoming week. Thankfully I know Ted just needs to put in the text and we'll have like six or seven pages ready.

Excuses
Well, my big excuse is that this was the week before Spring Break. So I had a paper, two tests, and my drum kit break on me. Plus I had to clean up the house, watch two sick children, and I didn't even get feed back from last week's update. (Thus why only forward progress has been made.)

Brian respectively, has begun the arduous process of moving. Thus his pain has only begun.

That said, Spring Break this week, and now that my attempts to fix my drum kit have failed (resulting in the loss of several hours and a few layers of flesh from my fingers.) My new free time should be spent heavily on writing. Expect something big next week.

Dimensional Warriors Fan Fiction: Training chapter 4

Here

It's short today, due to the week being busy.

Also I'll be fixing the Professor Astonishing comic relatively soon. Since it came out too small.

Here's the week's schedule:
Saturday: Professor Astonishing
Monday: Weekly Report
Tuesday: Mike Vandenberg
Wednesday: Dimensional Warriors Comic
Friday: Dimensional Warriors Fan Fiction.

Professor Astonishing Page 17

As a side note, I'll be posting the Fan Fiction and next week's schedule tomorrow.

Javier Aladren Video: We Are Nowhere and It's Now (Live at Cafe Improv)

So we're starting to get videos from Javier now. Check it out here.

Dimensional Warriors Comic 58

New Filler-Free Oscars to Have Run-Time of 10 Minutes

LOS ANGELES- Addressing complaints about previous ceremonies, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has revealed that this Sunday’s Academy Awards will have a total run-time of 10 minutes.

The show is notoriously known for its extremely long run-time, which frequently spills over into other programs scheduled by its broadcasting channel, ABC. Hawk Koch, president of the Academy, said that it was time for the Oscars to, “be a little more considerate to vital shows like Eyewitness News and reruns of Who Wants to be a Millionaire”.

Although show runners in recent years have tried to allow for a cleaner, shorter show, it has not resulted in making the timing any less than three and a half hours.

The new format will forgo traditional Academy Awards practices such as “nap-time musical numbers” and the old news segment, more commonly known as “In Memoriam.” It will also not have portions like the Best Sound Mixing award “which no one deserves anyway” and commercial breaks. Further, it will axe some of the most time consuming parts, like having the host announce someone that then announces the winner- in an effort to eliminate pointless redundancy.

The show’s producers for this Sunday, Craig Zadan and Neil Meron, did not want to give away too many details. Zadan explains, “It’s not that we’re afraid of giving away spoilers. There just won’t be anything special that happens.” Meron found a way to drop another hint by saying, “No, for real. We’re going to have Seth MacFarlane joke about famous people for five minutes, and then the rest of the time will be just him giving out the Oscars. He won’t even read the names of the other nominees first.”

E! Network, working in coordination with ABC to provide the Red Carpet portion of the day, announced that it too would cut back on the length of its show. The original broadcast length for “Live from the Red Carpet” of two and a half hours will be cut by almost two and a half hours. The new show will simply be a 30-second clip of notable outfits to air immediately before the start of the ceremony on ABC itself.

The new Oscars run-time is already receiving universal acclaim from critics. Sandy Topher of the Los Angeles Times wrote in Friday’s editorial that she is “delighted” to hear the news. “A roomful of rich people patting each other on the back and giving themselves gold statues gets a little tiring after ten minutes or so anyway.”

At press time, Koch was overheard asking the producers if they could cut the show down to 7 minutes instead by, “having Seth just throw the awards at the actors in the audience so they don’t have to waste time walking up to the stage.”

                                                                                                                         by Mike Vandenberg

Weekly Report: 2/25-3/3

Dimensional Warriors
This week sees a major revision in the beginning of Dimensional Warriors. The opening text may look very familiar to those that have read everything I have put out before, but I'm basically reshuffling events and changing later events. So this is basically an event that used to be much later and is going to be tested as an opening candidate. Enjoy!

Dimensional Warriors v11.06

Word (.doc)
Open Office (.odt)
Rich Text (.rtf)
Text (.txt)

The Comics
Ted has pretty much every comic through the end of March ready to go, so do not fret about potential stalling there. If a comic isn't up by noon it probably is just because I'm being lazy. Or fighting zombies. It's New Jersey, what do you expect?

GCIB
Will be on hold this week. Brian is moving, so we might not see much out of him for a bit.

Mike
Our new goal is to get him in the New Yorker. To this end we'll only be posting work from him that has already been rejected by the New Yorker or wouldn't fit in the New Yorker anyway.

Everything Else
Is going supposedly normally. Javier's on spring break and has no internet yet; and the other projects still exist in writing limbo as I donate all of my life's blood to Dimensional Warriors.

Professor Astonishing Page 16

Dimensional Warriors Fan Fiction: Training Chapter 3

Here

A little short, but I'm in the middle of several RL problems that have decided now must be the time to annoy me.

Next week's schedule:
Saturday: Professor Astonishing
Monday: Weekly Report
Tuesday: Mike Vandenberg
Wednesday: Dimensional Warriors Comic
Thursday: Javier Aladren
Friday: Dimensional Warriors Fan Fiction