My Victory Proves the American Dream is Still Alive, Even for Scumbags like Me

By Rep. Mark Sanford, 1^st District of South Carolina

On May 7^th, the people of Charlotte and its surrounding coastal towns picked me, Mark Sanford, to work for them in the House of Representatives. During my campaign, I made clear the fact that the American Dream is still alive and well in this great nation. With the shit I’ve pulled, my election to Congress proves it.

America is the land of opportunity, after all. In this country, if you work hard, you can do anything. Upward mobility is what we pride ourselves on. That intern fetching coffee? I he works hard enough, he can be the CEO one day. Or, to put it another way, that governor who left his job in disgrace after taking a taxpayer-funded vacation to Argentina? He can get elected to public office again someday.

I may be a little biased as a Republican, but one of the things I think we need to be successful are strong family values. We can climb that ladder to opportunity as long as we have a wonderful family holding the footings. A family that loves and trusts us whole-heartedly. And believes us when we say we’re going hiking on the Appalachian Trail.

America also provides us with the freedom to reach for the top. The founding fathers, after all, created this country with a can-do spirit. Without our freedom, we could never have industrialized more than any other nation on Earth. Or cheat on our wives, get divorced, and then marry our mistresses.

In the United States, we can go anywhere or do anything. If, for example, we want to start a new life on another coast and make a name for ourselves, we can still be financially successful. If I want to trespass on my ex-wife’s property and consequently lose all campaign funding from the National Republican Congressional Committee, I can still win an election.

Because American society is a great collection of unique individual citizens all looking to make a name for themselves. We’re all looking to be recognized and rewarded by our peers for all of our hard work. Even if we happen to be a selfish asshole in our personal lives.

                                                                                                  -By Mike Vandenberg